Instead of this: the fourth and final installment

(sorry it took a while - you'll know why soon enough)


31)   ...be a personal shopper.
32)   ...be a professional historical reconstructor.
33)   ...be a medical illustrator.
34)   ...be a comic book artist.
35)   ...be a firebreather (is full time dragon an option?)
36)   ...be a professional fanlady (girl sounds too...high pitched)
37)   ...be a woodcarver.
38)   ...be a jewellery maker.
39)   ...be barista in an enormous commercial chain that I can moan about.
40)   ...be a list writer (Buzzfeed have any vacancies?)

As ever, if this inspired you in any way, shape or form - comments plz?

Loose end

IjustwishIwasn’tsuchalooseendwithmy”wherearewegoing”and”whyarewegoing”andleavingearlyandmissingthefunandIwishthatIcouldstayuplateandbefunbutIcan’twhennoonelaughsatmyjokesandnoonewantstohearmystoriesandthenwhenItrytojoininIgetthatlookthatIhadfromtheothersbeforebutthatwasokbecauseIstillhadyoubutnowIgetitfromyouwhydoIhavetogetitfromyouandIwishIdidn’tneedarockIwishIcouldbemyselfandcoolanddaftandmewithouthavingtotakeouttimetobreatheandIwishthatanyofyouevernoticedbecauseyouusedtonoticebutnowitsjustwhatIdoandallIneedisahugandsomeonetotellmethatitsokandyesI’mbeingsillybutthat’sfinebecauseeveryoneisonceinawhlieandjustit’sstoppedfeelinglikeanyofyouwantmethereandIknowthatprobablyI’mbeingsillyandIhopeandIhopeandIhopethatI’mbeingsillybutwhatifI’mnotwhatifyou’realltiredofmelikeyou’vebecometiredofotherpeoplebeforeandifthathappensthenIhopeIcannoticeitandbowoutgracefullybutwhatifIendupallaloneandIalreadyjustfeelsoaloneandsocoldandit’slikeyou’veallstoppedknowingmeespeciallyyouI’dhavethoughtyou’dhavespottedbynowandmaybeonceinawhilewhenICinderella’doutoftheresomeoneanyonewouldsay”Doyouwantcompany?”oreven”I’llcomewithyou”andI’llsaynogoandenjoythefungoandenjoytheshinyexcitingpeoplebutreallyImeanyesyesyespleasejustdon’tletmegotosleepyetagainforgottenandcoldandshiveringandaloneandI’msorrythatIcan’tsaythistoyouit’sjustIdon’twanttomoanandIdon’twanttopushwhatgoodcreditIdohaveleftbecauseIdon’tknowhowmuchIhaveanymoreandIknowIknowItalkalotaboutwhatbothersmeandItalkalotabouthowIjustdon’tfeelrightanymorebutIjustmissthedayswhenyou’dhugmeandnottheotherwayaroundandnotwhenI’mtryingnottocryortalkingandtalkingandtalkingbutinsteadwhenI’minthekitchenlookingforathingorjustwhenyouseemeattheendofthedayandIstillhavemybravefaceonandmaybeitwouldbebetterifIjustretreatedforawhilewhichI’mtryingtodoasItypeandfranticallytypebutthetroubleiswhenIretreatandhopethatsomeonewillcomeaknockingtosayhowareyouI’venotseenyouorhowareyoubecauseIthoughtyoumightbedownandIknowit’shardforyoutosayandIknowIliketotalkbutreallyIdon’tthinkIwanttotalkIthinkitmightbeOKifyoujustheldmeandholdmeandholdmewhilewewatchsomeTVorholdmeaswelaughaboutourdaysorjustholdmeholdmewhenIcan’tseepastthestorminsideofmyheadattheendofthedayandagainagainI’msorryI’msorrythatIsaythistotheinternetthatIcan’tjustcomeandsaytooneofyouanyofyouheythere’sthisthingandit’sbotheringmebutIjustfeellikealooseendandIdon’twanttobealooseendandIdon’twanttostandtoocloseandenvelopyouinthiscloudofcoldandemptyenvyanddarknessandlooseends.

Instead of this... numero 3

21)   ...be a video game designer.
22)   ...be a station announcer.
23)   ...be a glasses designer.
24)   ...be a shoe designer.
25)   ...be a nail technician.
26)   ...be a milkmaid (is this still a thing people do?)
27)   ...be a purveyor of fine herbs (again, I’m probably not thinking what you’re thinking)
28)   ...be a socialite.
29)   ...be a sofa surfer.
30)   ...be a coffee taster (only part time though.  My caffeine tolerance is abysmal)

Instead of this - part 2

   11)  ...be a dancer.

   12)  ...be a singer.

   13)  ...be a writer.

   14)  ...be a racecar driver (note to self: learn to drive.)

   15)  ...be an actress (damn missing those Star Wars auditions!)

   16)  ...be an astronaut.

   17)  ...elope with that guy from the tea shop.

   18)  ...be a children’s entertainer.

   19)  ...be an adult entertainer.

Out of Synch

Today, I’m out of synch.

The words don’t quite flow right,
                I don’t quite flow right.
And when I get up to dance at the end of the day,
It’s all slightly off
                                There’s not that rhythm to the sway.

As though there’s this natural rhythm
A shared pattern
A heartbeat, if you will
That determines when we speak in conversation
the track of our thoughts
the dance of two beings when we meet
And on any other day, I could be up there with the rest of them
Swinging through some jokes
A salsa through a flirt
Even a waltz through something more serious

But today, not today
I’m off.  A different time signature, or a faulty metronome, just a fraction of
                a second behind   everyone,       everything
else.
I can find the flow.
I’m just behind the beat
My tapping toes are at odds with that communal heartbeat.

And when I speak
And I try to make an impression
I try to spark bright  but not too hot
I’m just
  not quite
in the right
tempo.
I answer a question that wasn’t asked and was never going to be.
I make a joke based on a frame of reference familiar to no one in the room.
And I wonder if I’ve caused offence or just bewilderment and I assume the worst and I retreat and I hide behind a forced twee smiling shell and I worry and I shake and I stay silent for fear of anything and everything that I say and haven’t said and then it’s too late and too much and I just have to go.

Instead of this...

At the moment, my life seems full of minor existential crises.  What am I doing?  Why am I doing it?  Would I be happier if...?  My techniques of dealing with this are varied, weird and possibly unhealthy, but that’s not the topic of today’s brain splurge (mmm splurge).  Today, I thought I would just share with you a list of some of the varied occupations that I keep convincing myself would be a better idea than what I’m doing.  Like my list of reasons to procrastinate, I’ll post them in instalments of ten.  That way all of you, my wonderful readership of 2.3 people, will hopefully not be too bored by an enormous block of nonsense.

Anyway, enough gushing (ew) and on with the list. Enjoy.

1)    ...be a palaeontologist.

2)   ...be a human evolutionary anthropologist.

3)   ...be a librarian.

4)   ...be a trophy wife who is secretly Indiana Jones/Adèle Blanc-Sec.

5)   ...blog/vlog/art for a living (haha)

6)   ...be a make up artist.

7)   ...open a tea shop.

8)   ...open a bakery.

9)   ...open a wool shop.

10)  ...open a shop where I serve tea and cake as well as selling knitting and knitting supplies.

If you enjoyed any of these or feel you have something (really, please, anything) to say about them, don’t forget to leave a comment!