Loose end

IjustwishIwasn’tsuchalooseendwithmy”wherearewegoing”and”whyarewegoing”andleavingearlyandmissingthefunandIwishthatIcouldstayuplateandbefunbutIcan’twhennoonelaughsatmyjokesandnoonewantstohearmystoriesandthenwhenItrytojoininIgetthatlookthatIhadfromtheothersbeforebutthatwasokbecauseIstillhadyoubutnowIgetitfromyouwhydoIhavetogetitfromyouandIwishIdidn’tneedarockIwishIcouldbemyselfandcoolanddaftandmewithouthavingtotakeouttimetobreatheandIwishthatanyofyouevernoticedbecauseyouusedtonoticebutnowitsjustwhatIdoandallIneedisahugandsomeonetotellmethatitsokandyesI’mbeingsillybutthat’sfinebecauseeveryoneisonceinawhlieandjustit’sstoppedfeelinglikeanyofyouwantmethereandIknowthatprobablyI’mbeingsillyandIhopeandIhopeandIhopethatI’mbeingsillybutwhatifI’mnotwhatifyou’realltiredofmelikeyou’vebecometiredofotherpeoplebeforeandifthathappensthenIhopeIcannoticeitandbowoutgracefullybutwhatifIendupallaloneandIalreadyjustfeelsoaloneandsocoldandit’slikeyou’veallstoppedknowingmeespeciallyyouI’dhavethoughtyou’dhavespottedbynowandmaybeonceinawhilewhenICinderella’doutoftheresomeoneanyonewouldsay”Doyouwantcompany?”oreven”I’llcomewithyou”andI’llsaynogoandenjoythefungoandenjoytheshinyexcitingpeoplebutreallyImeanyesyesyespleasejustdon’tletmegotosleepyetagainforgottenandcoldandshiveringandaloneandI’msorrythatIcan’tsaythistoyouit’sjustIdon’twanttomoanandIdon’twanttopushwhatgoodcreditIdohaveleftbecauseIdon’tknowhowmuchIhaveanymoreandIknowIknowItalkalotaboutwhatbothersmeandItalkalotabouthowIjustdon’tfeelrightanymorebutIjustmissthedayswhenyou’dhugmeandnottheotherwayaroundandnotwhenI’mtryingnottocryortalkingandtalkingandtalkingbutinsteadwhenI’minthekitchenlookingforathingorjustwhenyouseemeattheendofthedayandIstillhavemybravefaceonandmaybeitwouldbebetterifIjustretreatedforawhilewhichI’mtryingtodoasItypeandfranticallytypebutthetroubleiswhenIretreatandhopethatsomeonewillcomeaknockingtosayhowareyouI’venotseenyouorhowareyoubecauseIthoughtyoumightbedownandIknowit’shardforyoutosayandIknowIliketotalkbutreallyIdon’tthinkIwanttotalkIthinkitmightbeOKifyoujustheldmeandholdmeandholdmewhilewewatchsomeTVorholdmeaswelaughaboutourdaysorjustholdmeholdmewhenIcan’tseepastthestorminsideofmyheadattheendofthedayandagainagainI’msorryI’msorrythatIsaythistotheinternetthatIcan’tjustcomeandsaytooneofyouanyofyouheythere’sthisthingandit’sbotheringmebutIjustfeellikealooseendandIdon’twanttobealooseendandIdon’twanttostandtoocloseandenvelopyouinthiscloudofcoldandemptyenvyanddarknessandlooseends.